Have you ever had those days when it seems no matter where you go someone is turning in front of you, cutting you off, practically running you off the road? It's as if they don't even notice your car is there. In my household we have a funny little response on those those days--"Well, I guess I'm driving the invisible car today?!" We use this phrase as a way to lessen the frustration and attempt to take things in stride. However, it feels much less light-hearted when we stop and think about how many of us spend so much time feeling like were "driving the invisible car" in every facet of our lives. Sometimes we don't even know that this is what we're feeling because it is buried under anger, loneliness, apathy, or numbness. All of those emotions provide fuel to the invisible car, but what they don't show is what lies under the hood--the nagging sense that we aren't truly seen by anyone.
What does it feel like to be seen? Truly being seen can feel exhilarating and mystical, and possibly surprising. It can happen when the coffee shop guy hands you your double latte without you having to ask because he's paid enough attention that he knows exactly what you want. You might feel it when a co-worker says, "There's something different about you recently. You seem to have pep in our step;" or maybe it's when your partner says, "I see you putting on such a strong front for everyone around you, but I know your heart is breaking inside." Being seen is being appreciated, understood, accepted, acknowledged, and loved. It is all those things, but it is also more and it is different for everyone.
So why do so many of us feel like we're perpetually driving the invisible car? Some of it is the the hamster wheel we all seem to be on these days--running as fast as we can to get things done, but never quite achieving it. We're exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and we just don't have it in us to pay close attention to those around us. However, internal factors play a role too. As wonderful as it feels to be seen, it can also be terrifying. In an effort to protect ourselves--often from a fear that the "real" us is not acceptable--we hide behind roles and personas of people we are supposed to be (good girl, cool guy, perfect parent, successful business person, have-my-act-together adult). The trouble is, this hiding we do is the enemy of vulnerability and...(AND HERE'S THE CATCH)...in order to be seen, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable.
In her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead, Dr. Brene Brown reported that in study after study she found that being vulnerable was at the very core of all meaningful human experiences. She also noted that while so many of us are spinning ourselves in circles trying to show only the "perfect" self, the majority of the people around you appreciate when you show your real self, messy parts and all, and they admire your courage. They want to see you.
So I encourage you to ask yourself, "When did I last feel seen? When do I feel the most seen and what does it mean to me when I feel it?" And if you find the invisible car is ruling your roads, step back and explore the places you've been hiding.